Irrational Fears
Title Submitted By: Bret Rooks
Obviously this song is meant to be comical, but I think the fact that it is semi-autobiographical is scarier than anything else.
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Click Here to Download Irrational Fears
Irrational Fears Lyrics
I read the crime lists online
Now I know to avoid the bank and post office lines
When I – when I walk out the door
I’ve just got sure that I’m
Not gonna die
So I plan all my trips in the middle of day
Sure that I’ll never be carjacked that way
Some say I’m paranoid, some say I’m mad
It’s better to be reclusive than dead
I will not be pistol whipped
No I will not be pistol whipped
I’m running the red lights
I’m rollin’ through stop signs
I’m locking the doors
‘Cause that creepy guy walked by
But I will not be pistol whipped
A new epidemic they say
Since they’ve banned DDT
They can’t keep them away
They are – they’re too tiny to see
Once they get in your sheets
They jump and they bite and they stay
So I don’t stay in motels, in hotels, in beds
I’ll sleep all alone in the bathtub instead
Some say it’s not really that big a deal
But I’d rather not have my blood be a meal
I will not get bed bug bites
No, I will not get bed bug bites
I’m tearing the sheets off
I’m checking for dark spots
I’m slathered in bugspray
My eyes are all bloodshot
But I will not get bed bug bites
At least I’m not irrational yet
I have no fear of numbers or plants or Wednesdays
And I will not be scared to death
No, I will not be scared to death
But I’m nauseous and sick
And I can’t take a breath
I suspect botulism
I think this might be it…
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Absoulutely hilarious! Beautiful harmonies, Flo…
ooh i like this song! so pretty AND funny!
and a blog post.
I was right. He loved it. Working pistol whipping into a seemingly sweet song gets props in our house.
I can’t wait for andy to hear this. so awesome.
I laughed outloud, Flo! Somehow this sounds like that voice in my head!
You’re my morning soundtrack.
Totally loving this. LOVING the different verses – and the tone in your voice – and the harmonies. This is a keeper, for sure.
Makes me smile today – and I needed a smile.
Hilarious! and you sound great.
Sounds beautiful Flo!